Yep, I heard this in October, reported from my student to his parents to his advisor and back to me. In my 25th year of teaching, with a pretty danged consistent track record of positive feedback from every student phenotype. Have those 25 years earned me any good will at all?
Well, yes, kind of. The advisor is new to the school, but knows me by reputation. The advisor related the story sorta tongue-in-cheek - "ha ha, isn't that silly, my advisee told his mom his physics teacher hates him." We could both laugh, especially as I had just sent the advisor a very complimentary email about the student's recent work. I said, "Ha ha, of course I don't hate your advisee, but I do dislike that he spent class time this week clowning and spraying people with white board cleaner. He's doing better now that he's joined in the positive class culture."
I have this clowny type of student every year in conceptual physics. The AP class analogue is the student who gets angry when told they're wrong, gets angry that I won't do their work for them but rather make them figure out how to deal with new situations. These folks tell all who will listen that I'm mean, I hate them, I'm unfair, I don't fit their learning style, whatever will get them a sympathetic ear. Every year.
Is that okay?
Well, on one hand, no. It's emotionally draining. It's frustrating to have to explain my methods to a distrustful colleague or parent, especially when they try to mansplain physics education best practices to me. They make ridiculous charges, charges that can't be defended. (And shouldn't be - I can't prove a negative, I can't prove I *don't* hate someone, and if I tried to defend myself I'd merely further establish the meme that aha, see, you *do* in fact hate this boy, gotcha!)
On the other hand, we're dealing with 14-18 year olds. It's unacceptable, but nevertheless understandable, that when they encounter their first true difficulty with academics they fight dirty. It's unacceptable but understandable that they conflate difficulty of the subject matter with obstinance on the part of the teacher. A 15 year old who was losing his playoff soccer game this fall blatantly pushed another boy in the back, then wouldn't shut up about how awful a referee I was when I called the foul. Unacceptable, but understandable. I shouldn't be refereeing if I can't deal with this level of unjustified criticism. I shouldn't be teaching physics if I take personal offense that a 14 year old told his mom that I hate him.
On the third hand... I wish I had three hands... we teachers all need to stand firm against this insidious emotional manipulation which can indeed damage careers. All it takes is one administrator without an understanding of my positive work with students over years, one administrator who tries to advance their career by currying favor with influential parents, one administrator to whom "our mission is to serve our students" translates into "it is the teacher's fault if a student is momentarily upset." Reputation or not, we're in trouble. And lord help the new teacher who can't fall back on decades of good work.
What can we do? We - that is, experienced teachers who have been successful for a long time - can and must stand up for colleagues. Like the advisor of the student-who-hates me did. Like I do when necessary.
When a student or parent says anything, even in jest, about whether my colleague dislikes a student, I am firm: "That's not a fair statement. Like all of us on the faculty, Mr. Lipshutz is directed to know, challenge, and care for his students. He has dedicated his life to that purpose. I understand that you are frustrated with Mr. Lipshutz, but please refrain from attacks on his character or motivation. Let's instead focus on how to help your son understand how to be successful in Mr. Lipshutz's class." I will and have said such a thing even about colleagues whom I don't particularly like.*
* Of course, this calculus would change if I had a colleague who unprofessionally, repeatedly, and egregiously violated our mission to serve our students. Then (a) I would have already expressed my concerns to the headmaster, and (b) I would refuse to discuss the matter other than to suggest that this parent should share their concerns with the headmaster, too. I'm not advocating a Blue Wall of Silence.
I've put my foot down similarly about umpiring partners to baseball coaches; I've had this conversation with colleagues outside my department about people inside my department. I'm on a team. I can and will constructively criticize others on my team, as they will to me. It's important that my teammates and I listen to each other, that we ruthlessly self-evaluate, that we change things when we aren't perfect. Of course.
Yet. I'm not talking today about dealing with rational, evidence-based criticism of colleagues. "Mr. Lipshutz hates me" and the like is as far from "rational" and "evidence based" as Oz is from Kansas. Bad-faith insinuations need to be squashed hard. Like the Wicked Witch of the East.
So sad
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